Two Broken Make a Whole
by moriartyscupoftea
Summary: Nico's not broken, just a little messed up. But then again, so is Leo. All in all, it's not that surprising when they end up trying to fix each other. / Valdangelo AU
1. the beginning (of something)

**A/N: Not sure what time period this is in, so let's just say it's really vague, alright? Also, I know about zero things about boarding school's so nothing's the least bit accurate. Mainly focusing on the life outside of school anyways, so it shouldn't be a huge problem. Un-beta'd. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly.**

**Warnings throughout the story: **_**Depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts/mentions of past suicide attempts, homophobia, minor character death (in the past), I'll add more if something comes up.**_

**-.::.-**

_'two broken pieces tend to make a whole one_  
_when placed near each other.'_

"Are you sure you're going to be alright? I mean, who knows what kind of people there are, and what if your roommate is a horrible person? Are you positive you packed the scissors I gave you? I mean, they're hardly useful in combat but you _can _still stab with them, and_–_"

"Hazel," Nico interrupted quietly. "Do me a favor and stop talking for a moment, alright? I'll be fine."

Hazel sighed and pressed her lips into a tight line, hands clasped together on her lap. Nico noticed how pale her face had become since their train had left the station, but decided not to comment on it. The silence hung heavy on the air, until Hazel let her head drop and cast her eyes down. "I'm just worried about you," she muttered while keeping her gaze on the floor of the train. Nico let out a silent sigh. He wasn't used to comforting anyone, and he wasn't good at it. No matter what he said, he probably ended up sounding harsh or uncaring. Sometimes he thought it was a bit worrying how he'd gotten so used to driving people that away he did it without even meaning to.

"I'm going to be just fine, Hazel. And don't_–_ you don't need to worry about my roommate, at least. I wrote him this summer and told about my... _condition_, and he didn't seem bothered by it." Which wasn't exactly the whole truth, but Nico really didn't want Hazel thinking about it too much. If she got too anxious her blood sugar tended to drop dangerously low, and he had enough problems as it was without having to deal with a fainted sister.

Besides, he wasn't even lying that much. He _had _written the guy, Leo, in early June so it would've still been easy to change rooms if he'd had any complaints. To be honest, Nico could've done without writing the damn thing at all. He'd been so vague about things he was fortunate if the other boy understood a word. (_'So, just to be clear about this, I was diagnosed with a mental illness of a sort a couple of years ago...' 'Of course, it's absolutely nothing to worry about and I'd much rather discuss such a personal thing facing you than on a letter...' 'Like I mentioned, it's nothing that could in any way or form harm you so don't worry about it...'_).

Leo's reply had come a few weeks later, a simple and short letter saying how it was not a big deal but that he'd really like to know more when they met in person if it was possible. (_'I don't want to invade your personal space or nothing, but you know, if you're up for some sharing 'n caring...'). _Nico hadn't replied, which was probably a bad thing but he just couldn't be bothered. Leo hadn't written him anymore letters either, and Nico was grateful for that. That meant he probably wasn't going to stick his nose too much into Nico's business.

Hazel cleared her throat, and Nico focused his attention back to her. She was getting a bit of her color back, cheeks looking healthier, and her posture more relaxed than a while ago, the smallest of smile pulling at her lips. The more Nico looked at her, the more familiar she seemed. And then it hit him, like a punch to the gut.

For a fraction of second, she looked like Bianca.

_No, _he thought quickly and stuffed the thought as far to the back of his mind as he could. _You're not going to think about that at all. You're doing better – you're not going to relapse again. _His arms itched uncomfortably, but if he scratched now Hazel would notice and get upset again. Nico didn't want that. He pressed his nails into his palms, and even if the pain was only temporary it calmed his nerves.

Hazel didn't seem to figure anything was out of ordinary as she smiled at Nico fondly. "Yes, well. I can't help but worry about you all the time. You seem to have the habit of getting into trouble quite easily." She smiled, her face lifting up for a moment. Then her lips wavered, and the smile dimmed. "And as for your, um..." She waved her hand absently to the direction of Nico, her eyes trailing the sleeves of his shirt. "My depression?" Nico asked, eyes narrowed. She flinched, but nodded. "Yes, that. Is it, um. Do you have it... under control?"

There were moments when Nico wanted to punch a hole into a wall, and there were moments when he wanted to suffocate someone and possibly break their ribs afterward. Right now, he was feeling like committing a genocide. A doctor had once told him he had anger issues, and he was probably right, because Nico went from one to hundred in a second.

"Do I '_have it under control'_, Hazel? Do I look like I fucking have it _under control_, do I?" He hissed, trying to keep calm. Hazel didn't understand, he kept telling himself. She didn't know what it was like, waking up in the middle of the night to your dying sister's screams. What it was like sinking so low into the spiral of darkness that he felt he could never climb back up, what it was like to dream about all of it ending and waking up with tears on his pillow because he wanted for it all to be done for so badly. She had no clue, and he was glad for that. But sometimes she was just so _ignorant_–

"I'm sorry," she hurried to say, eyes wide and her face paling again. "I didn't mean– Nico, I'm so sorry. I know it's hard for you, I just... I want to help you." Nico took a deep breath. And another one. _She's doing her best_, he thought. _She's trying_. He willed his breathing to slow down. "Yeah. It's... don't worry about it. Just forget about it," he gritted through his clenched teeth.

Hazel looked at him, eyes sad and pitying. Nico hated it. "I can't just _forget _about it, Nico. What you do to yourself–"

"Haz. I'm telling you, shut it now."

She snapped her mouth close, her shoulders tensing up again. They stared at each other, Nico's eyes cold and empty, Hazel's full of sadness and confusion, and something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Before he could figure it out, she moved her gaze to the window, staring at the trees passing by, and Nico let out a sigh.

They spent the rest of the way to the school in silence.

**-.::.-**


	2. two pieces on the ground

**-.::.-**

Nico opened the door to his assigned room, 214, with caution. He had no clue what to except, since the one letter Leo had send hadn't really been filled with information, and the only person he'd talked to in this school so far was the cleaner, and she had taken one look at the room assignments paper Nico showed her and grimaced. _'So you got Valdez, huh. Sucks to be you. The room's that way.' _Nico hoped that didn't mean Leo turned out to be a serial killer or something.

The door made a soft creaking sound as Nico stepped in, the bit too warm air conditioning greeting him immediately. At least the room _had _air conditioning, though. The last school he'd stayed in, before he'd been kicked out, had been freezing in the winter and not much better in the summer. Hopefully he'd be in this school long enough to see the winter.

Nico glanced around the small room quickly. Two beds, pushed to the left and right sides of the room, a desk between them in the far end and two closets. The walls were painted white, but there were slices of olive green shining under at some places. There was one large window facing the door, and it was enough to light up the whole room if the lights were out. Not exactly overwhelmingly great, but Nico had expected as much. He'd been in worse places.

A boy was standing in the middle of the dorm room, hands on his pockets, grinning so widely it looked like his face might split. He'd already taken the bed on the right side, bags thrown carelessly on top of it, so Nico assumed he was staring at Leo. Except, he'd thought Leo to be a little bit different. Well, a lot different. The image of a regular, stylish posh guy in his mind changed quickly – blond hair was replaced by a curly dark brown mop, the pale skin turned light brown, the tidy school outfit became a messy button-up and jeans.

"Hey, there. I'm assuming you're my new roommate then? Di Angelo?" The boy asked, and his voice surprised Nico too. It was a lot higher than what he'd thought, and his accent was far from a British one. Latino, maybe? He'd have to ask. Nico managed a silent nod, letting the door close behind him with a small thud.

"I'm, uh, yeah. Call me Nico," he mumbled and took a few hesitant steps towards the unoccupied bed. The other boy flopped down on his own bed, somehow managing to avoid crushing his things, before extending his hand towards Nico with another smile. Nico put his bags down on the floor and slowly shook the offered hand, curling his fingers against Leo's. His hands felt strangely warm against Nico's own cold skin, and he found himself not wanting to let go just yet. _Stop it. Don't even go there_. But before he could dwell on the feeling any longer Leo pulled his hand away. "Name's Leo, but you probably figured that out already," he said cheerfully and Nico wasn't sure whether to find his sunshine attitude annoying or not. Not knowing what to reply, he settled for nodding again. Leo grinned. "Well, you don't talk much do you? It's alright, I probably talk enough for both of us."

Nico decided he liked Leo well enough. Hazel was always forcing him to 'open up', and 'talk about feelings', and Nico wasn't exactly gifted with words so it usually ended up in a mess and someone – most of the time Hazel – crying. Scratch that, it was always Hazel who cried. Nico hoped Leo wasn't the type to cry easily. He didn't seem like it, at least.

"You never answered my letter, you know."

Nico lifted his eyes to look at Leo, who was still smiling though it didn't look as bright anymore. Nico cleared his throat and turned to look at his shoes. "Yeah, well. I didn't really have anything to say."

"... Right. Well, I did say I'd like to talk about whatever is up with you, but I feel like I shouldn't get too much into your business. Piper says I have no boundaries, and she's kinda really right, but I'll try not to interrogate you too soon."

Nico had no idea who Piper was, but she sounded like a smart person and someone Nico could get along with. He made an effort to remember the name for later.

"It's not a big problem," Nico told him, keeping his eyes on his shoes. "I was, um, diagnosed with... depression a few years ago." Nico briefly wondered whether or not he should start lying to his roommate this early on about everything. But then again, it was better than telling everything Nico had so carefully tried to keep under wraps even from Hazel. _It is a big problem. It's more than depression. I was diagnosed five years ago. I tried to stop hurting myself so many times. I failed over and over again. I'm not okay. It hurts all the time. _Nico looked at Leo, expecting the usual expression of pity with a tint of disgust and wonder, and the words 'That's too bad'. (Or, in one case,_ 'Right, get your ass out of this room now, I don't want you hanging yourself here_.')

Instead he found Leo looking at him with something resembling actual understanding. For a moment Leo looked like he knew exactly what ran through Nico's head every day, knew exactly how he felt. But then Nico blinked and the look was gone, replaced by a vague smile and expressionless eyes. "Sorry 'bout that. Don't stress it though, as long as you don't stab me in my sleep we're cool. The last guy I had to room with, man, you wouldn't believe... I'll tell you sometime."

Nico nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. Leo, it seemed, wasn't going to be a problem at all. He should write Hazel and tell her not to worry. Or call. He should probably call, Hazel was more reassured by hearing him talk than by reading his one sentence letters. Nico sat down opposite Leo, who was now staring at the roof.

"Would you be opposed to a bit of decoration, when I get all my stuff out?" He asked.

"Depends on what kind of decoration you're talking about?"

"Dunno yet. It's just, looking at those cracks on the walls is gonna get real boring really soon."

Nico agreed on that. "Sure. Do, uh, what you want."

Leo turned to look at him, smiling. "You know what, Di Angelo? I think we're gonna get along just well."

Nico surprised himself by returning the smile, his lips turning fully upwards for the first time in a while. "Yeah, I think so too."

**-.::.-**

**Thanks y'all for the favorites/follows/reviews! ily~**


	3. smile (though your heart is aching)

**A/N: Quick question if you're reading this: next chapter from Leo's point of view, yay or nay? that's all, hope you like this chapter~**

**-.::.-**

"No, Hazel, I'm telling you, he's cool with it–"

"How can he possibly be 'cool with it'?"

"Well I don't know, he's not such a fucking idiot like Mike was–"

"Please don't swear, Nic."

"– then stop interrupting me, will you? Leo's alright."

Hazel was silent on the other end of the line. Then; "How do you know? You've only met him once, haven't you?"

Nico wanted to bang his head against something. He was glad he'd decided to have this conversation on the hallway instead of in their room – he doubted that Leo would've liked a new crack on the wall. Or blood on the floor, because Nico was about this close to ripping the stitches off of his one wound.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against the wall. It seemed like he'd have to pull one of the emotional wild cards out of his sleeves. "Jesus, Hazel. What do you want me to say? We met, we talked, I smiled, I left to call you. I think that's enough time to figure out he's just fine."

Another silence followed, and Nico wasn't sure whether it was a good one or not. "You... smiled?" She finally asked, doubt visible in her voice. Nico remembered again just why he didn't like talking with Hazel on the phone. In person she could usually tell when he was being sincere and when not. "Yes, Hazel, I smiled a genuine, real smile. _Now _do you believe he's alright?"

He could almost hear her processing the words in her head. "You actually– you're not kidding? You haven't really smiled since Bia–"

"Yeah, well, now I am. So lay off, please. I'll call you later," Nico interrupted and quickly hung up, resisting the urge to smash the phone into pieces. Instead he curled his hand around it, his nails digging into his palms again. Not deep enough to draw blood. Thatwas good. Nico didn't want to scare Leo into leaving right away. He was the first person in a long time who didn't immediately question Nico, and that was enough of a reason for Nico to try and keep himself together. And he supposed he could try to stay at this school for longer than two months while he was at it.

Nico heard the door behind him open, the already familiar creaking sound echoing loudly in the empty hallway. A few quiet steps followed, trailing closer to Nico. He wouldn't, _couldn't_ turn around just yet. If he did, Leo would be able to see everything from his face and Nico wasn't ready to let his mask slip away just yet. Maybe he'd never be. Perhaps he would die with no one ever knowing the true him. _Then again_, he thought bitterly. _Who exactly are you anyway?_

"Di Ang– Nico? You alright, man?" Leo asked, voice nonchalant and cheery. Nico thought he could hear something like worry underneath it, but he doubted it. Mentally bracing himself, he opened his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. Then Nico turned around, coming face to face with Leo who was standing mere inches away. For a moment Nico was able to tell up-close all the different shades of brown in his eyes, even the few spots of green, and how _ridiculously _long lashes he seemed to have, and the exact way his brows arched. Then Leo took a step back and Nico let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. _Get yourself together._

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied and hoped his voice wasn't shaking too much as he forced his lips to form a fake smile. "I was just talking to my sister." He cursed Hazel for bringing Bianca up again: those memories were still too fresh to be ripped open so casually. Leo looked at him, raising a skeptical brow. "Seems like that went really well, considering you're here leaning your head against a wall and lying through your teeth," he said with an unhappy smirk. Nico froze. "What do you mean, lying?"

Leo seemed hesitant, the smirk disappearing. "Just, you know. You're obviously not _fine_, that much's pretty clear. If you don't wanna talk about it, it's cool, but just... I don't know," Leo finished with a shrug. Nico didn't say anything, staring at Leo with a frown. He didn't understand. He obviously wouldn't have fooled Hazel with his fake smile and words, but surely... Leo shouldn't be able to tell. Nico had practiced his expressions for years – if he wanted to seem fine, he did. Either he was slipping after spending the summer practically alone, or something else was going on.

"I... I'm fine," he repeated dully and before Leo could reply, they heard someone yelling from the other end of the hallway. Nico turned around to see an unfamiliar guy walking towards them, eyes on Leo. He looked like what Nico had first imagined Leo to be – the student equivalent of Clark Kent, except this one had blonde hair. He was waving at them (at Leo) and Nico was pretty sure he heard Leo curse under his breath in another language.

"Hey, Jason. 'Sup man?" He asked as the Clark Kent-copy got closer. Nico really wanted to walk past Leo to their room, to the safety of four walls, but figured he didn't want to seem too rude now that he'd decided he was at least _trying_ to stay in this school. The Clark Kent-copy – Jason – smiled. "Not bad. It's good to see you, Valdez. Piper was asking for you, you coming?"

Leo glanced quickly at Nico, who offered a small smile, before looking back at Jason. "Uh, yeah, sure. This is Nico, by the way," he said and waved his arm towards Nico who stood still. Jason turned to look at him, smiling widely. "Nice to meet you. You're Leo's roommate, right?" Nico nodded, and they shook hands. He noticed how Jason's hands didn't feel as warm as Leo's. He also figured it was better not to think about it too much.

Jason said something that Nico missed, and soon Leo began walking away with Jason, giving Nico and apologetic smile over his shoulder. "We'll talk later, alright?" He said and then turned around before Nico could so much as open his mouth.

"We'll talk later," he echoed to the empty hallway once Leo and Jason turned around the corner.

**-.::.-**


	4. it'll (maybe) be (probably) fine

**A/N: To the guest reviewing (Erin): first of all thank you so much! and secondly, don't worry, I'm planning on all of my homophobic idiot guys being OC's so 8) also ily everyone reviewing/following/favouriting~ any spelling mistakes are due to me being half asleep while proof-reading this. I might come back and edit some parts but we'll see.**

**-.::.-**

Jason waited until they were around the corner of the hallway before he started talking.

"So, what was up with that?" He asked, nudging Leo in the ribs with a smirk.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Superman."

Jason raised his brows in an unimpressed manner, turning around and walking backwards so he could face Leo. "Sure you do. You only met that guy, what, today?"

Leo nodded, unsure of where Jason was going with this. He usually didn't like it when Jason tried to read people, specifically Leo himself, because after he'd hung out with Piper for a long enough time he'd actually gotten pretty good at it. Not that he'd gotten that much out of Leo – ever since the incident, he'd carefully tucked everything deep inside his mind, only to dwell on when he was alone, and kept the positive cover on all the time. That cover hadn't fallen off in a long time, not after that one late night talk with Piper.

Except today when he saw the look on Nico Di Angelo's face and recognized it as the same look that stared back at Leo from the bathroom mirror each morning. The look of tiredness and anger, of frustration and sadness. And lies. Granted, he'd only seen it for a brief second, but it had been there regardless. That'd been the moment when his own carefully crafted mask had slipped away too, revealing the dark thoughts that surrounded him all the time. He might be wrong, but there was something that told Leo Nico might be able to understand him.

But Leo wasn't going to harass him on the first day they met, so it was better not to think about it at all.

"So you met today, and you already look like you're fighting like an old married couple? I mean, I know you had disagreements with Calypso, but dude, you should've felt the tension there. So, what was up?" Jason pressed on, brows still up in his hair line.

Leo brushed the haunted face of Nico from his mind, grinning. "Not much. He was just withholding some information, nothing important," he said and relaxed when Jason seemed to not want him to elaborate. "And dude, don't bring Calypso up, alright? Too soon, man."

It really wasn't. Calypso had been fun to hang with, and fun to pretend to be in love with. But when she'd left one morning a few years ago, leaving behind a note and a forgotten hair brush, it didn't really brake his heart. No matter how much he'd tried to have some sort of attachment to her that was more than just 'you're pretty cool', it simply wasn't there. She'd been beautiful, but more in a scientific sense and less in a personal way.

When Leo really thought about it (not too often, though), he'd never really been in love. There'd been crushes, and short relationships, but nothing that made his heart flutter or stomach drop. Nothing lasting. Leo sometimes wondered what to make out of it, but then decided it didn't matter. If he one day fell in love, he did. And if he didn't, then that was that.

Jason grimaced, brows furrowing. "Right, sorry." He turned back to walk next to Leo, falling into step beside him. They walked in silence for a few minutes, passing doors and turning corners. Finally, after door number _321_, Leo felt it was only appropriate to fill the quietness with something, because not saying anything was driving him mad.

"So, how are you and Piper doing?"

A happy (if Leo were to say _blissful _he wouldn't be exaggerating) smile broke on Jason's face, his eyes brightening. "Oh, we're _great_. We had our two year anniversary about a month ago, remember?"

What Leo remembered was Jason calling him in panic at two in the morning, rambling about how it was indeed their anniversary and he had no plans whatsoever, and could Leo please maybe help him out because Piper was going to hang him if she found out he forgot about their anniversary? (Leo had helped, and Jason still owed him one for that.) "Yeah, I do," he said out loud.

"Yeah, so that was awesome, right? She's awesome too, but you know that. There's just all these little things that I love about her, you know? She's just so..." Jason trailed off, and while Leo wasn't completely sure how Piper was _just so, _he didn't ask Jason to continue. Soon they arrived at Jason and Piper's room, Jason knocking quickly before opening the door.

As soon as Leo stepped in, he had armful of Piper in his hands. She hugged him tight, her hair falling to his back and her hands thrown around his neck. Leo hugged her back, letting his forehead rest on her shoulder. "You okay?" She whispered to his ear, low enough for Jason not to hear. She always asked him that when they met after summer, had done so ever since Leo had told her about his problems and past. "Just fine," he whispered back before letting her go and taking a step back. She was smiling brightly, looking exactly like she had two and a half months ago. "It's good to see you, Leo," she said softly and Leo smiled. "You too, Pipes."

Jason coughed, slowly wandering back towards the door. "I'll leave you too to gossip for a while, alright? I'll go check if Reyna's here yet," he said and stepped out, the door falling shut behind him.

Piper began talking as soon as he was out, dragging Leo to sit down with her on one the beds. "So, who's your roommate? Is she cute? Is it a she? Is _he _cute? Give names and details, please," she asked in rapid speed, and Leo was reminded once again why he loved having her as a friend so much. He could tell her anything knowing that she wouldn't judge him.

"He's, uh, Nico," he began and she grinned. "He seems cool. I mean... I like him." Leo wondered whether to tell her about Nico's depression or not, but decided it wasn't his place to share the information even if it was to Piper.

She grinned even wider. "So you think you'll be alright with this... Nico? I don't want to worry about you too much, do I?"

Leo thought for a moment, the memory of Nico's face flashing in his mind.

"Yeah," he said, nodding slowly. "Yeah, I'll be alright."

**-.::.-**


	5. who are you (let me know)

**A/N: Any inaccurate info about the LOTR argument is my fault - it's been like three years since i last saw the movies/read the books. Hope you enjoy regardless!**

**-.::.-**

They soon formed a habit of some sort, him and Nico. As soon as the classes began, they both got up at the same time (which was way too early because Nico, apparently, was a morning person while Leo most definitely was not), ate breakfast together (most of the time it was cereal without milk, because usually they were both in hurry after Leo took an hour long shower to wake up properly), and left their room at the same time. They both went their separate ways, sat next to each other in the classes they shared, and spend lunchtime at the same table with Jason and Piper. In the afternoon they returned to their room, did their homework, and lately, talked_. _Talked about irrelevant things, talked about school, talked about _feelings_. Leo still wasn't quite sure just how this latest development had began. He knew _when_, though.

It'd been a Friday night, and Leo had been unable to sleep. Thoughts (rather unpleasant ones) kept surfacing in his mind no matter how hard he tried to suppress them, and he'd been tossing and turning in his bed until the early morning trying to get rid of them. It was around 5 am when Nico had whispered, in such a quiet voice that Leo almost missed it, "Can't sleep either?" A few minutes later they'd both been sitting with the lights on and discussing their selective insomnia, and from that the topics had escalated to almost everything else.

Now, about a week later, Leo knew all these little things about Nico he'd stored into his brain. For example, despite what his choice of clothing suggested, his favorite color was in fact blue and not black. His favorite season was fall, because summer was too hot and winter too cold, but spring was too cheery. He had one sister, though he did get an uncomfortable look on his face when talking about her so Leo suspected there was more to the story. He didn't see his father often, and his mother had died when he'd been little. He was sixteen years old now, but was aware that he looked like 'a really tough 10-year old with an emo haircut'. He didn't listen to _My Chemical Romance _or any of the other bands Leo had suggested, but was reluctant to tell what he did actually listen to. They had a shared obsession of the same television shows, which proofed to be an endless source of conversation. Nico didn't really watch movies, but read instead.

(That had inspired Leo to arrange a movie marathon for one weekend. He couldn't have a roommate who hadn't watched _The Lord of The Rings_, no matter how many times said roommate had _read _the books and knew, in fact, what the plot was perfectly well.)

They didn't talk about Nico's depression. Not yet, anyway. Leo was sure they'd tackle the subject at some point, but he wanted to get to know Nico better first. Or maybe he wanted Nico to get to know him better. Which, to be honest, was a new feeling for Leo. Besides Piper, and maybe to and extent Jason, no one knew the real Leo under his layers of humor and sarcasm. And yet slowly but surely he was giving Nico, a guy he'd met only about a month ago, bits and pieces of himself he didn't share with anyone.

Leo was still in the midst of deciding whether or not this new found openness was a good thing.

He hadn't really told Nico _that_ much – he still kept his mother's death, and various other things, under cover. But at this rate he'd probably end up confessing his whole life story to Nico during one of their Late Night Shows. Which, again; was that a good or a bad thing, who knew. Leo didn't.

"Are you joking? Who _doesn't _like Gandalf?" Nico asked, efficiently pulling Leo from his thoughts back to the real world. He was leaning slightly towards Leo, searching his eyes as if there were something wrong with Leo's condition. Leo rolled his eyes in response. "_I_ don't. I mean yeah, he's a cool character and all, but dude. He's _such _an asshole sometimes," Leo retorted and could _feel_ the annoyance radiating from Nico more than see it.

"He's no– well, yeah, _kind of_. But you can't deny the fact the sacrifices himself to save Frodo and the others, right?"

"And then he _comes back_. It's not really a worthy sacrifice if he doesn't actually, you know, sacrifice himself. That's like, the same as Sherlock throwing himself off the hospital roof and then watching his own funeral. He didn't actually _die_."

"You can't compare those things! Sherlock was aware that he wasn't going to die, he had a _plan_. Did Gandalf have a plan? No, he didn't."

This was what Leo really, really did enjoy about they're talks – when they got into an argument about things Leo couldn't argue about with Piper and Jason, because they didn't have Leo's obsession with everything television related. He leaned against the wall, watching Nico with raised eyebrows. They were both sitting on Leo's bed, mainly because talking from the other ends of the room required a bit of yelling and it was already pretty late.

"Well how do you know? Maybe he was planning his fall and comeback all along, and just _made _himself look like a big hero, eh?"

"How do I–" Nico shut his mouth, pulling his best 'I am offended'-face as Leo liked to call it. It was usually followed by a smug fact that proved him right, or... "I know, because I've actually _read _the books, unlike some others who shall not be named." Leo grinned.

"But the books aren't really from Gandalf's point of view, are they? You don't know what he's been planning under that wizard hat."

"Well neither do you."

"Touche, my friend."

Nico smiled hesitantly, like he was afraid his face might brake if he grinned wide enough. It was a nice look on him, Leo thought. Better than the scowl, at least.

"We're friends?" He asked in a soft voice, and Leo felt something unfamiliar tug at his heart.

"Yeah," he said and felt his own lips form a smile too. "'Course we're friends, Nico. What would I do if I didn't have someone to argue about fictional things with?" He felt the tugging at his heart more clearly now, like it was a machine that'd just been turned on instead of an organ. Nico smiled a bit wider. "Yeah, you'd be lost without me wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, I would," Leo said, and found himself unsure as to whether he was joking or not. That, he thought, was another thing he should figure out later. One shouldn't interrupt important Late Night Arguments with too serious thoughts. And so he steered the conversation back to Gandalf, and filed the thought under the '_All things Nico' _category, and vowed he'd think about the strange feeling later. And if the thought of Nico's smile creeped into his mind more often than not, well, no one would know.

**-.::.-**


	6. fears and fallings

**A/N: Sorry for the long-ish wait, I've been anxious about my college (not rly the american/uk one but close) entrance exam which is tomorrow. And also tonight I was watching the parliament election here, so. Gonna go back to that now. Here it is anyway, hope you like it! Oh and the translations for the Italian are just 'I'm sorry', and 'I love you'. Dunno how correct they are i'm not studying Italian so. Apologies.**

**-.::.-**

_Nico's back in the forest, again. He can't see well but he's sure it's the same place, he can feel the familiar soft breeze and hear the birds singing. They shouldn't be singing. This forest feels rotten, and the birds should know that. Nico knows that. He doesn't know why, though._

_His vision's getting clearer, the blurred trees sharpening out and soon he can separate the leaves from each other. He was right – it's the same familiar forest. He's been here often enough, with his sister. It's the one that's about a five minute walk from their house. Something's out of place, but Nico can't figure out what._

_He takes a few steps forward, avoiding stepping on branches and rocks. He walks down the path, the familiar path he's walked so many times before. It's the one that leads to the cliff, Nico's fairly sure. He can't see the sky from the trees, but it seems dark enough to be late evening._

_The birds sing louder the more he walks, the tune remaining the same. It sends shivers down his spine for whatever reason, and Nico really wants them to stop singing, to just shut up for a moment._

_Finally he reaches the end of the path. The trees fade away to the background as he steps out of the forest and into the cliff. He's not suppose to be here, not really – his sister's told many times how dangerous it is. 'You could fall off,' she'd said. And it does feel wrong, being here. It's not the same wrong as the forest, it's worse, and the birds are still singing even though Nico can't see them anymore. He turns around to trace the voice, and when he turns back she's there. His sister. _

"_Bianca," he calls out and walks slowly towards her. She has her back turned to him, and the wind's blowing her hair around. The wind's strong too, just like the singing, and Bianca's swaying dangerously close to the edge. Too close, he thinks, mere inches away. "Bianca, please," Nico says again but he's not sure why he's pleading. She still doesn't turn around, and Nico takes more steps towards her. "Bianca?" He asks, stopping a few meters away. _

_And then she turns around, nearing the edge even more. Nico doesn't know what's beyond the cliff, what's laying all the way down there, but he wants Bianca to just step away and closer to him. Closer to being safe. Her hair gets stuck to her face, and Nico realizes she's crying. Why is she crying? "Is something wrong?" he asks and frowns. _

_She smiles at him, a sad sort of smile that doesn't really reach her eyes. It doesn't suit her, doesn't look like the Bianca he knows, and suddenly Nico wants to cry too. The singing and the wind get louder each second, filling the air around them._

"_I'm sorry, Nico, I really am," she says and Nico doesn't understand. Why is she sorry? He repeats the question out loud. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you as much as I should've been. I'm sorry I can't be there for you in the future." And Nico's even more confused, because where is she going? She's only standing on the cliff with her toes, now, and Nico's worried the wind's going to blow her down. He steps closer, taking Bianca by the wrist and holding her. She can't fall, she won't. She wouldn't to that to Nico. Would she?_

"_Mi __dispiace__, Nico," she whispers and her words cut through the singing and wind like she'd yelled them. "Ti __amo.__" And then she's prying her hand away from Nico's grip, and before Nico can reach for her again, she's tipping backwards, falling over and off the cliff._

"_Bianca!" He's screaming, he thinks he's screaming but he can't hear himself, he can't hear anything except for the singing of the birds, and he can see her disappearing to the darkness, can hear her yelling through the noise, and suddenly she stops and the birds stop, and everything's becoming white and he can't see, he can't hear–_

"Nico," A voice whispered near his ear, and he woke up. It was dark, it was the same darkness where Bianca fell to, and he still couldn't _see_... "Nico, it's me, it's Leo. Are you alright?"

That pulled Nico back, if only for a moment. He remembered. He was at school, with Leo, in their room, in his bed. He wasn't at the cliff. Bianca was gone, had been gone for years. Nico took a shuddering breath, and then he saw better again, once his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Leo was crouched beside his bed, his hands holding Nico by his shoulders and his face a few inches away from Nico's. He looked concerned, worried.

For some reason, Nico's first reaction wasn't to pull away and get as much distance between him and Leo as possible. He sat up and leaned against the wall, only now noticing how he was shaking, and Leo let go of him. _Please don't, _Nico thought but didn't say it out loud. Apparently he didn't have to – Leo stood up and soon was sitting next to him, fingers gently touching Nico's hands. The contact reminded him that he wasn't dreaming anymore, that this was real life now. "A nightmare?" Leo asked after a while, and Nico nodded. There was no reason to lie, Leo would see through him in seconds. "Mind telling what it was about? You don't have to, if you don't want, just..."

The silence lasted for a few seconds before Nico whispered in a hoarse voice, "My sister." He could feel more than see Leo's confusion. "Hazel?" Nico shook his head, slightly pressing against Leo's side. He was warm, and real – a constant reminder that Nico was indeed awake. "I had a– a real sister, before my dad married Hazel's mom. Bianca." Saying her name out loud hurt more than it should've, and as if Leo had felt his discomfort, he laced his fingers through Nico's.

"You don't have to talk about it now," Leo whispered.

"Thank you," Nico said back.

And they sat like that, holding hands in silence, until Nico felt like he could fall asleep again. He didn't ask Leo to leave, he wasn't sure if he wanted him to. So instead he rested hid head against Leo's shoulder, closing his eyes. And just before he slipped away again, he was sure he felt someone press a soft kiss to his forehead. Then everything went dark.

**-.::.-**


	7. 911, i have a problem

**A/N: This took a while, because real life and writer's block hit me at the same time. Sorry 'bout that. Also a HUGE thank you for everyone reviewing/following/favouriting this story! I love you all, and hope you like this chapter (tho it's a bit angsty).**

**Warnings for chapter: Vague mention of a mentally abusive relationship (in the past).**

**-.::.-**

"Communication is the key, Leo," Piper said on the other end of the line. She sounded exasperated, and Leo could picture her frowning. Then again, Leo _had _called her at 4 in the morning from the hallway, whispering frantically because '_holy shit Pipes, I fucked up bad this time'. _At least she'd picked up the phone.

"Yeah, well, how do you communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate?" He asked in return and then regretted it right after. "And before you even say it, I know your example of poor communication skills is me."

"It took me a year to get you to even talk about your mom, so yeah. You could say that." She sighed. "Look, I know you're not exactly about to share and care with someone you've known for, how long?"

"Three months or so. "

"Right. So why not just let it go and leave Nico to deal with his nightmares on his own?"

Leo opened his mouth to answer, before closing it again. Piper was right. Why should he care about a guy he'd met not so long ago? They didn't even know each other well enough. Although, if Leo thought about it, he probably knew more about Nico after three months than he'd even known about Calypso. Which wasn't just a terrifying thought, but also an absurd one. Leo had loved Calypso – or, to be honest, he'd just _claimed _to love her. His feelings had never ran deeper than 'some sort of fondness'. But Nico he knew. Granted, he didn't know _everything_. But he was accustomed to Nico's quirks, moods and changes. He knew a lot trivial information about him, and a lot of not so trivial. He could read the other boy's expressions and safely say whether he was in a good mood or not.

He had woken up in the middle of the night to sit with Nico after he had a nightmare. Leo hadn't had to deal with someone regularly having nightmares besides himself in a while.

"I can't just let it go," he finally said to Piper. "He's suffering, even if he doesn't admit it."

The long silence from Piper's end meant either that she'd fallen asleep or that she was about to hit Leo with some hard truth no one else was brave enough to tell him. It turned out to be the latter.

"You're suffering too, Leo. Even if you don't admit it."

Leo took a deep breath, shoulders hunching. "Luckily I have you to talk to, huh?" He joked weakly. She sighed again.

"All I'm saying is, if you want him to talk to you, maybe you should try talking to him first?"

"Yeah, I suppose. I'll talk to him when he wakes up, or whatever."

"Good." She was quiet for a moment, and Leo fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Piper knew him better than anyone, and because of that she also knew Leo wasn't one to call at an odd hour just because his roommate had a nightmare. He was right; she continued talking in a few seconds. "Now, this wasn't what you really called me about, was it?"

Leo hesitated a moment, biting his lower lip. _I'll bite the bullet._ "Well, uh. I might've, um, you know. Kissed him. When he fell asleep again," he stuttered out. The empty hallway seemed even emptier when a heavy silence landed on the phone line. Then: "What do you mean you _kissed him_?" Piper demanded, voice stranded. "You don't just go kissing people around, Leo, what the hell?"

He slid down against the floor, drawing his feet up and resting his head against his knees. He'd fucked up, he knew he'd fucked up. He'd had a great friendship with Nico – as great as one can have when you've known each other for three months – and he'd ruined it all by getting a crush on the other boy. Or whatever he was feelings right now. Why did this happen to him every single time? Well, no. Not every time. There'd been Calypso, who'd been a nice friend and an okay girlfriend. There'd been Janine, who'd been an annoying roommate and nothing more. There'd been Carl, who'd been a great friend and then an absent one when things got weird between them.

Then there'd been Ashton. Ashton, who'd at first made him feel like he was the world and then turned it all upside down and around. Ashton, who'd left him feeling like a wet leaf on a street, driven over by a car every second.

Leo didn't want that to happen again. Or did he? Maybe he deserved it. What with being such a fuck up and all, what else could he have? Maybe what he needed was for someone to brake him again. Not that he was fixed now, not even close. Maybe, if he fell for Nico, he could shatter him like Ashton had. Maybe...

"Leo? You there?" Piper's concerned voice broke through his thoughts, and Leo lifted his head up again. The dorm room was staring back at him, and it seemed like the cracks on the door were mocking him. _Look at you. Pathetic._

"Leo, are you–"

"Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."

"Are you alright? Look, I'm sorry, what I said was a bit harsh and–"

"No, don't worry 'bout it. And besides, it's not like I kissed him on the lips or anything. So, you know. No worries."

"I always worry about you. Just... be careful, okay? I don't want you to get hurt again."

_I want to, _Leo thought bitterly. But he couldn't tell that to Piper. She worried enough as it was, and besides, it wasn't any of her business. It was Leo's messed up life, and his messed up head, and his messed up feelings. No need to get his friend involved.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

The lie slipped through his mouth easily. _Just a small white lie_, a voice in the back of his head whispered. _You need lies to get hurt._

**-.::.-**


	8. blood on the dancefloor

**A/N: A few things: 1) I was gonna update earlier but I started watching Ice Hockey World Championship (Finland vs. Norway, we won 5 - 0, go Finland), 2) there won't be another update for a while because I have 6 tests coming up and I'm spending my days crying over my text books, and 3) reminder that I love everyone reviewing/favoriting/following, and if you have any ideas or requests for this fic i'm always open for suggestions! Alright, hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**TW FOR THIS CHAPTER: self-harm**

**-.::.-**

The scissors dropped to the bathroom floor with a cling as Nico sank down the wall next to them, curling his shaking hands around his sides. He'd been doing so good. He'd been clean for so long, and then there'd been one nightmare and a kiss and now he was a wreck again. His eyes focused on the small droplets of blood that the scissors left to the floor. It wasn't a new sight, but it had been such a long time since he'd last felt the need to get away for a moment he'd forgotten how ugly it looked. How bad it made him feel. The feeling that Nico relished was when the blade cut through his skin, when the pain drove his thoughts away and he could get lost in nothing. The addicting feeling of numbness, the familiar sting afterward. That was what brought him back, what made the cold steel against his arms seem like a good thing.

But then the pain replaced the numbness, and the thoughts came back, and Nico realized how he could never really escape. And then he was left with bloody hands and a constant reminder of how stupid he was.

He looked down at his shaky hands, moving them to his lap. He'd ripped his stitches. Again. And this time Hazel wasn't there to sew him back together and clean his wounds up. _Fucking hell. _He'd have to throw the sweater away, too. The stances were too big now to ever be washed out. That was a shame; he'd really liked that sweater. All because of his dumb fucking mind and dumb fucking feelings.

The nightmare was nothing new. He'd had them ever since Bianca had died, and he'd gotten as used to them as he could. They made him wake up, but they didn't make him want to cut his veins open. Which was how he'd felt after he'd woken up, alone, with the feeling of Leo's lips still on his head. How could Nico have been so stupid? His rule, his number one rule when getting a new roommate was _don't fucking get a crush on them. _It saved time, it saved unnecessary heartbreaks, it saved him the trouble of having to leave because nobody wanted to sleep in the same room with him after they found out. Well, not really. Percy had been civil about it. But then he'd left too, to move in with Annabeth, and honestly Nico had been fine with it. Or at least it had taken him much less time to get over it than he'd expected.

But now Nico was caught up with a problem again. A problem named Leo Valdez. Nico wasn't even sure what he was feeling. Leo made him laugh, made him smile, made him genuinely happy for the first time in who knows how long. He was the opposite of Nico – positive, nice, friendly, enthusiastic. He was everything Nico usually hated in a person, not to mention in a roommate.

And he probably wouldn't like Leo as much if it weren't for that first day when they'd met, when Nico had recognized himself by looking at Leo. Which just made him even more intrigued; what was Leo really like? Was he, like Nico, hiding everything deep inside under the mask? Did his heart also do an extra flip when he locked eyes with Nico? Was he trying, without success, to get up from the dark pit he'd fallen in, too?

Nico looked at his hands again, watching the drops turn to small lines running across his wrists, crossing each other before separating again and falling to the floor. If he wanted to know anything about Leo, he'd have to talk to him. He'd have to figure things out, and he wasn't quite sure he wanted to. Because he wasn't ready for the rejection if Leo had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn't ready to move out, and he definitely wasn't ready to forget the feeling of Leo's lips against his skin. It wasn't like ripping a plaster off – it was like slowly peeling your skin away. No, he'd wait it out. He'd see what happened, and then if it got too bad, he'd leave.

His mind set, Nico slowly pushed himself up from the floor and took his sweater off. A few more red drops fell off as he stuffed the thing to his bag, pulling his long sleeved shirt out after. There was really nothing he could do about the wounds now, except maybe wash them. So he exited the stall and splashed some water first on his face and then his hands. The water turned pink before washing away to the sink. Nico pulled the shirt on, collected the scissors and stuffed them to his bag too.

This was usually the point where he wondered if the few seconds of bliss were worth all this effort.

(They were.)

Leaving the bathroom, Nico walked down the hallway to their room that he'd bolted out of as soon as possible after waking up. The numbers 214 were glaring at him when he turned the handle, slipping inside and dropping his bag on the spot next to his bed. He didn't notice Leo before the other boy spoke from Nico's behind.

"Hey, Nico?"

Nico turned around, coming face to face with Leo. He tried not to notice how close they were standing. "Yeah?"

"Just, uh... Could we talk? I mean... I need to talk to you," Leo stuttered and Nico felt his body freeze. _He can't know_. _There is no way he knows._ He sat down, trying to act normal. It was like his brain had decided to efficiently shut down completely, and forming a sentence became the hardest thing he could imagine. "Um. Sure, we can talk. What do you, uh, have in mind?"

Leo bit his lower lip, and _fucking hell _wasn't that just adorable? Nico mentally slapped himself. _Do not go there now._

"Just, you know. I feel like we need to clear the air, before things get... weird, or whatever."

Nico's heart was on a roller coaster, speeding up so fast he was sure it was gonna burst. He blinked rapidly. _How do normal people act?_ "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Just..." Leo sighed, sitting down as well. "Piper said that communication is important but I'm so bad at this it's incredible. Right, um... Honesty hour, alright? So, firstly, I like you Nico. Like, a lot. And you're probably one of my best friends, even though we've known each other for, like, three months. And if we're gonna have a deep conversation about stuff, I should probably start with the fact that I killed my mom."

**-.::.-**


	9. sharing is caring

**A/N: Man I am bad at emotional scenes, I apologize. Also I probs fucked with the canon-verse a lot but well, what can you do. Hope you enjoy regardless! On a side note, Finland is kicking ass in IIHF World Championships, I am so very happy we won Russia (if ur russian i'm sorry).**

**Chapter warning; mentions of self-harm/suicide attempt**

**-.::.-**

Instead of looking horrified, like Leo had expected, Nico frowned. "What do you mean you killed your mother?"

"Well, uh, remember how I told you about how I used to live with my mom in Spain?"

Technically he hadn't told Nico as much as vaguely mentioned it, trying to avoid the subject. He didn't expect the other boy to actually remember it – he knew he probably wouldn't. And yet Nico nodded, saying, "Yeah, you said it a few weeks ago."

Leo restrained the surprised look and turned his eyes away from Nico to the floor. It was hard enough to talk about this, he didn't need to see Nico's reaction too.

"... Right. Well, anyway," he continued, "we had this small apartment that mostly served as a workshop. My mom was into that, and I guess I got that from her, you know? My dad wasn't around, he left when I was little. My mom never complained about it, though, so I guess I didn't lose too much. So we lived there, alone, and it was all cool. Mom was really nice, the best person I've ever known. She just... yeah."

Leo paused, considering his next words. Nico hadn't interrupted yet, which was a good thing. If Leo stopped now, he would never finish. _And when he knows_, the voice whispered, _he'll leave for sure. Who could love a miserable, pointless human like you? _He carried on, pointedly ignoring the voice.

"One day, she went to work on something. I can't remember what it was, I was about eight at the time. It doesn't matter. The door leading to her working room was always open, because she liked to be able to hear me if I was in any trouble. Except, that day the door was closed. Locked. I dunno why, maybe it was the wind or I accidentally pushed it shut while running around, who knows. The point is that the door was not open. I was drawing in the living room, and... My mom, she loved candles. It didn't matter what time of the year it was, chances were there was at least one candle burning somewhere. And there was one on the living room table. You can probably guess where this is going, but..."

"The house burned, didn't it?" Nico asked softly, and when Leo lifted his head he was standing up and crossing the small room. The bed dipped under Nico's weight next to Leo. "Leo, I'm sor–"

"You don't get it," Leo interrupted and Nico fell silent. "I didn't like my drawing. That day, I didn't like whatever the hell I drew, and I decided to burn it. It's all my fucking fault that the flames spread and my mom got trapped inside. I could've saved her, I could've prevented the whole thing but I just... I didn't. And so it's my fault."

Leo had told this to himself for as long as he remembered. The firemen who'd eventually cooled the remains of their house down had asked him what had happened, and the police had asked him, and the woman at his first foster home had asked him. _I killed her_, he'd replied. _It was my fault. _No one else had blamed him, though – it had been put down as an accident on the official records, and after that Leo had never told anyone about it except Piper. And now Nico.

The silence following his words was painful. Leo didn't dare to look at Nico, fearing his reaction. He kept still, eyes on the floor, doing his best to not run away. Then a pair of hands sneaked around his shoulders, and Nico pulled Leo into a hug, turning slightly so his head ended up resting on the side of Leo's neck, nose pressing to his skin. Leo, if possible, froze even more.

"Listen to me," Nico started, mumbling quietly next to Leo's ear. "I don't care what you think, but it wasn't your fault. And don't even start arguing, just hear me out," he added as if sensing that Leo was about to open his mouth to protest. Leo pressed his lips into a tight line, eyeing Nico from the corner of his vision. All he could see was a mop of black hair, a few strands tickling Leo's skin. He tried to ignore the way his heart sped up.

"You were only eight, Leo. There was no possible way that you could've known that the door was shut, or even if you did, that it would've made a difference. _You _didn't kill your mom, the fire did, right? Even if it was your drawing that started it all, how could you have known? Eight year old's don't necessarily think all that rationally. You just wanted to get rid of the drawing," Nico spoke and Leo could feel his breath with every word. "So if you thought that you could scare me away with that, you were wrong. I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere."

And then Leo broke. Something snapped in his head, like a channel been turned on a television, and he realized that there was actual sense behind Nico's words. Maybe Leo hadn't, after all, been guilty. Maybe... maybe there was a chance he could get over the whole event one day and stop blaming himself. He turned, wrapping himself around Nico and letting all of the pent up feelings from the past years out. If Nico minded the tears on his shirt, he didn't mention it. "Thank you," Leo whispered to Nico after he'd calmed down, still resting his head against Nico's shoulder. "For what?" Nico whispered back. "I just told you the truth." "Exactly."

They broke apart, but still sitting close enough for Leo to be aware of Nico's every move. "So, now it's your turn to share something. Honesty hour, right?" Leo sniffed after a while, offering Nico a small smile. And so they went back and forth, telling pieces of their lives to each other.

'My sister is dead and I keep having nightmares about it.'

'I saw a therapist for a year after I started to burn myself on purpose.'

'I cut myself.'

'I was in a mentally abusive relationship.'

'I once almost died after hitting a too large vein on my arm.'

'I tried to kill myself.'

The clock slowly made it's way towards night, and around three am they were both on the floor, lying next to each other and staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars Leo had put up. Not those crappy lights you get from a shop with two dollars, but rather real looking ones that he'd, apparently, spend a lot of time on. "I feel like after opening up about all that, you should probably also know that I'm... I'm gay," Nico mumbled and Leo felt his heart do a happy dance. He felt much lighter otherwise, too, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders no matter how cliche it sounded. A smile broke on his face, tugging the corners of his mouth. "'s cool," he replied. "I don't like labels, I just... go with the flow. But yeah, I've dated guys too. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, that's... great," Nico said and Leo could've sworn he heard something like relief in his voice. He might have imagined it.

"So, we're all fair and square now? No more secrets?" Nico asked, tilting his head to look at Leo who looked back at him with a smile.

"No more secrets," he confirmed.

_Except that I am quiet possible very much in love with you._

**-.::.-**

**Review's help me improve my writing, so they're highly appreciated. Also thanks for favorites/follows! Hugs to all~**


	10. dripping dropping downwards

**A/N: Heeeyyy it's been a while. Good news: my holiday starts in a few days so more time to write! Bad news: this is probably the second last chapter. Which kinda sneaked upon me; this is what happens when you don't plan ahead. Anyway, hope you like it and I promise there is (hopefully) a happy ending to this.**

**warnings for this chapter: ****mentally (and a bit physically) abusive relationship (in the past as a flashback) and attempted suicide.**

**-.::.-**

"_You're just so fucking worthless, Leo. You know that?"_

_Leo glanced up, watching Ashton walk across the room to his own bed. His green eyes were sober for once, but they were filled with the familiar disgust. Leo felt his stomach curl up._

"_Oh?" He asked quietly, moving his gaze to the floor. _He's right_, a voice whispered in his head. _You're nothing._ Leo picked on the hem of his sleeve, trying not to scratch his arm. Ashton didn't know just how hopeless he was, and Leo didn't want to change that. Not yet anyway._

"_Yeah. What good are you anyway? I don't even know why I still hang around you."_

_Leo closed his eyes, sighing. "Good question," he mumbled._

"_I mean, at first you were fun to be around. And you're not that bad looking, either. But now you're just so... so dull. That's the word. You, Valdez, are a fucking dull, useless human." Suddenly Leo felt fingers lift his chin up lightly, and then he was looking at Ashton's smirking face. His eyes were twinkling, staring straight into Leo. "And I think you know that, too. Ain't that right?" Leo held his breath, panic and excitement settling on his stomach as Ashton moved closer, his lips hovering inches from Leo's. Leo's gaze zeroed on them, and from this distance he could easily make out every cut and line there. "You're fucking broken, Leo." And then their lips met, Ashton's teeth biting into Leo's lower lip and drawing blood while his hand traveled to Leo's neck, holding him in place. Leo could taste the irony liquid on his mouth, and smell the cigarette's Ashton had been smoking earlier, and feel the repulsion and the want to push Ashton away._

_But he couldn't. Of course he couldn't. Because deep down, no matter what, Leo enjoyed this. Somewhere in his sick, twisted mind he loved this too much to let it go. It was a game for Ashton, he knew, and Leo was in too deep on it. He'd already lost a long time ago. And so he pushed against Ashton, arms flinging over the other boy's shoulders and fingers pulling his hair, and everything was pain but it was good pain, the one that made him feel something, and he fell down on the bed with Ashton on top of him, and–_

Leo woke up from the floor, sitting straight up with his eyes wide open to check his surroundings. He was alone, with a blanket on his shoulders and his back aching. Everything from last night came back in a flash, and Leo felt his heart slow down a bit. He wasn't with Ashton, he'd been with Nico. He was alright. Looking around Leo noticed there was a tiny note left on the bed, resting on top of the covers. He got up shakily, letting the blanket drop from his shoulders and squinted at the neat (albeit a bit too curly) handwriting.

_'Leo, went to call hazel &amp; run by the shop. I'll be back by 12 or so – Nico'_

Leo glanced at the clock on the wall; it showed 11:37. He picked the paper up and carefully folded it in half before placing it in his bag between his history book's pages. He tried to reason to himself that it wasn't creepy, but in reality he just wanted to have a reminder of Nico with him. Something real that made him remember that Nico wasn't just a fragment of his imagination. Not that he'd never really had that much problems separating dreams from reality, but one could never be too careful.

Especially after Ashton.

"Why the fuck did I have that dream again?" Leo asked out loud, taking a few steps backwards and sitting down on the edge of his bed. He buried his face in his hands, sighing. He could still feel Ashton's fingers on his skin, the warmth of his lips on his, and... It had been over year ago. Why now?

_Because someone needs to remind you what a waste you are,_ a voice that sounded eerily like Ashton whispered in his ear_. You didn't really think you could have a happy ever after, did you? You don't deserve that. Besides, Nico doesn't give a shit about you, you know?_

"I know," Leo mumbled into his hands. "How could he ever like a fuck up like me? How could anyone?"

_Exactly,_ the voice hummed_. You're no good alive, Valdez. So why not just end it?_

Leo lifted his head, staring blindly at the opposite wall. He never did fix those cracks there. It was probably too late now, anyway. Funny how some things seemed so important one moment and useless the next. Numbly Leo let himself sink to the floor, next to where Nico had left his bag. The voice had a point. What good was he alive? Ashton had been right, he was worthless. Nico was probably just pretending to be his friend anyway. And if he knew how deeply Leo felt for him, he would hate Leo just more. There was Piper, but she had Jason. She would survive without Leo there to burden her.

He eyed Nico's bag, remembering what the other boy had said last night. _I cut myself. _Surely that meant he had something sharp enough with him. Without a second thought Leo opened the bag, searching through it with care. For some reason he didn't want Nico to come back with all of his stuff thrown around.

He found the scissors on the bottom, under a sweater. He ignored the dried stains already covering them.

Leo's hands trembled as he brought the scissors to his wrists, shaking hard as he let the steel dance across his skin. Blood started dripping down in small rivers, crossing each other as they went before dropping on to the floor. Leo felt his vision blurring, his hands going numb, and he dropped the scissors with a _cling_ and sank sideways to the floor. The welcoming darkness was taking over his mind, and Leo smiled hazily. _Good, Valdez. Now no one has to deal with you anymore. _

But before he slipped away into unconsciousness he could faintly hear the door being opened, and something being dropped, and Nico's voice. He was yelling – why was he yelling? Leo wanted to frown, but then someone was touching his arms and shaking his shoulders and he stopped trying to stay awake.

Everything went quiet.

**-.::.-**


	11. just so you know (i love you)

**A/N: First things first; this is, in fact, the last chapter. _There will be an epilogue. _And so there. Secondly, I NEVER thought this fic would be this long! When I started writing I had no idea where I was going with this, or what I wanted to do, and so I'm very very happy with this. I'll save all my praises and love to everyone reading this after the epilogue, but quickly a reply to a review:**

To _Lav da mermaid: _For the purposes of this story Leo is from Spain, haha. Thanks for commenting!

**this site (or my laptop) fucked up btw i had to go and edit this sorry for that, anyway, thanks to everyone for reviewing and stuff and hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**edit: third times the charm if there's now any mess up's or typos let me know lol i'm sorry i was deleting and posting this chapter again and again, so sorry.**

**-.::.- **

"... Leo? Leo, can you... Okay, so, I don't know if you can hear me or not. The doctors said that you're in a coma, or really deep sleep, since you– 'cause you lost so much blood. But, uh... Either way, I'll just talk okay? The nurse said I could stay the night when I told her you don't have any living relatives. At least, any living relatives that care. I hope that's okay with you. Don't worry though, I didn't tell them about your mom. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in their records but, um, I didn't want to betray your trust. Or something. I don't know. Anyway, I didn't say a word."

Nico looked at Leo who was laying on the hospital bed, not moving except for the small rising of his chest. _Alive and breathing_, Nico thought with relief. Leo looked fragile, his tanned skin now pale and his wrists wrapped in bandages, his body covered with a too big blanket that seemed to swallow Leo's whole form. His eyes were shut close, hair falling on his forehead and almost reaching his nose. Without thinking about it Nico leaned closer to brush the strands up, feeling Leo's cold skin by doing so. He remembered the way the same skin had burned like fire when they'd first met. That felt like a million years ago, even though it was just three months. Nico blinked away the tears forming in his eyes, turning his gaze away from Leo's face.

"This, uh, this is harder than I thought. I'm not exactly good with speeches, I guess. Or feelings. But you know that already, I think." Nico took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking slightly. "When I first came to the school, I was a mess. I was in pieces and I couldn't put myself together. I didn't want to. I wasn't over Bianca, I was mad at Hazel and I was, most importantly, mad at myself. I was cutting and suffocating my feelings and it... it wasn't healthy. At all. I felt like I didn't have a reason to be here. But then, uh, then I met you."

A small smile tugged at Nico's lips, his voice softening. "This is going to be so cheesy, you'd laugh at me." He glanced quickly at Leo. "No one had ever really understood me before. I mean, Hazel tried but she... she doesn't get it. What it means like to lose someone you love more than anything. I felt like no one got how I felt, like I was all alone. And then suddenly there was you. You, putting your mask on just like me, to try to fool everyone and I _knew _you knew what I was going through. How I was feeling. You made me feel better without even opening your mouth. Then of course you _did_ open your mouth and I'm not sure if that was such a good thing," Nico said with a short laugh. His smile stretched, the corners of his eyes crinkling as Nico tilted his head downwards. His gaze wandered to the floor, tracing the outlines of the tiles.

"But it was. It was such a good thing. Because we started talking, and I started to feel better and better, and it was so fantastic. You were fantastic. You were– you _are _so funny, and talented, and wonderful, and I just... I knew that you were like me, deep down. That you were broken like me. But I guess I ignored that, instead of trying to help. I'm so sorry for that. So, so sorry."

Leo stayed still, too still, and Nico dragged a hand over his face with a sigh, the smile disappearing. "You kissed me, then. Sort of. And that made me think, about how... how I feel. _What_ I feel for you, I mean. It, uh, it scared me. A lot. To realize how much I cared. To realize that, I've never cared so much about anyone."

Nico swallowed, closing his eyes. "And so please, Leo. You know what it feels like. When someone you love dies." Nico's voice broke, his words coming out shakily. "Don't do this to me. I can't– I can't go through it again. I can't. Especially without you, Leo, I don't... Don't you dare die on me, Valdez. Because I love you, so much that it scares me, and I can't lose you too, I _can't_, I... "

Nico licked his lips, leaning in to rest his head on the edge of the bed. His hand found Leo's bandaged one, and he wrapped his fingers around Leo's. "You fixed me. Maybe not fully, and maybe without meaning to, but you did. And I love you, you idiot. So much. And I need you to come back so I can tell you that properly, and kiss you, and hug you, and do all those stupid dating things, and then we can ditch school together and move to fucking Spain if you want. And we'll have a mechanic shop for you, and I can continue studying there, and..."

Nico trailed off. "Please, Leo," he whispered. "Don't leave me now."

Heavy silence filled the room, the only voice coming from the quiet beeping of the machine Leo was attached to. Nico didn't know what to do when– _if _Leo didn't wake up. He would though – he had to. With Bianca gone, and Leo gone, Nico wouldn't be able to bare it alone, the outside world. He needed Leo to wake up.

It was a few minutes later when he felt the slight tug at his fingers. Nico lifted his head so fast he was afraid he'd break his neck, staring at their intertwined hands in shock. Leo's hand had moved, just the tiniest bit. Nico dragged his chair closer, not letting go of Leo.

"Hey? Leo, are you awake? Do you hear me? Leo?"

He watched Leo's face, seeing how the other boy slowly, _so slowly_, blinked his eyes open. He tried to focus his bleary gaze on Nico who felt his heart froze and then start to flip around way too fast. "Hey," Leo whispered hoarsely and when he made a move to sit up Nico woke from his shock. He gently pushed Leo back with his free hand, and realized how much he was shaking now. Nico opened and closed his mouth with no words coming out, his mind trying to form a coherent sentence."Don't _ever_ scare me like that again, don't you fucking dare," he finally whispered back and before Leo could reply, Nico leaned closer and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. He pulled away after a few seconds, staying only a couple of inches away. And then Nico's brain caught up with his body, and he jerked away in panic.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to–"

He stopped short when he noticed Leo's expression. The other boy was smiling warmly with his teeth showing and eyes looking straight into Nico's, and _god _Nico had already missed that smile so much, missed everything about Leo, and...

"Don't look so freaked out," Leo said quietly. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Nico started to smile but stopped midway through, frowning instead. "Don't joke about that. You were this close to... just, don't. Please."

Leo averted his gaze, looking at their joined hands, and Nico realized he still hadn't let go. Before he could, though, Leo curled his fingers more tightly around Nico's. "I know," he mumbled. "And I– I'm sorry. For trying to, you know. I wasn't thinking clearly."

Nico stayed silent, letting Leo figure his thoughts out. Finally he looked back at Nico, not smiling anymore. "I, uh, heard you. When you were talking, just now. And before you run away in panic," he added quickly, "let me say a few things. Firstly, I don't know what you were talking about not being good with speeches. You're a real poet, dude," he chuckled. "But, um, I'm not. So, let's just put the cards on the table. I tried to kill myself." Nico flinched, but Leo went on, ignoring him. "And it had nothing to do with you. It was just, like I said... I wasn't thinking clearly. Anyway, I didn't die. Obviously. And I might not be sane, or I might actually be dead and be in heaven right now, or this is a dream or something, but... I love you, too. I don't know how it happened, and I don't know why or when but I do. A lot."

Leo grinned at Nico, sitting up and kissing him again, warm against his cold lips, and Nico was pretty sure he heard fireworks going off somewhere. Leo leaned away, smiling wider than Nico had ever seen.

"By the way," he said, "Spain sounds fucking awesome."

**-.::.-**


End file.
